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Amaya Yuki

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1Amaya Yuki Empty Amaya Yuki Wed Sep 04, 2013 5:15 am

Maya

Maya
Suna Anbu
Suna Anbu



Amaya Yuki Nvxxd10
" If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance"

Amaya Yuki 93288542



Name: Amaya  Yuki
Nickname: Ice Queen
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Village: Fubukigakure
Village Rank: Jonin
Skill Rank: A

Amaya Yuki Apii

Height:
5’4.
Weight: 123lb
Hair color: Blue
Eye Color: Blue
Looks Image:
Spoiler:

Amaya Yuki Personj

Personality Description:

Amaya has a chilly disposition which usually drives people away from her and more than a touch of dominatrix to her. She is mostly seen showing no emotion at all and is deathly serious all the time, due to living in solitude for so long she has developed a thick inner shell not allowing anyone to get close to her. Due to her obsession with power people label her as a sociopath, a title Amaya has no problem with. As years went by she lost the feeling of empathy and has no problems putting down anyone in her path. An ominous emphasis is usually placed on her asexuality, as people usually believe she is a lesbian, or bi-sexual. Amaya is calm at all times but takes matters relating to her clan very serious and often ignores everything else to tend to the needs of her clan and clan members. When she isn't busy with clan matters (which is rare), she tends to be by herself locked away in her room, avoiding conversations with others, simply because she doesn't care to.


Likes:

Her Clan

Power

Cold places

Dislikes:

Hozuki

Warm places

Weaklings
Catch Phrases:
Surely you can do better than that.

Nindo:: To show the world the power of the Yuki

Amaya Yuki 86155345

Clan Name: Yuki Clan
Bloodline Name: Ice Release
Bloodline Ability: Ice Release
Location: Fubukagure
Clan History:
The Yuki Clan lived in the Land of Water. Some time ago, the country was in the midst of a civil war, which was caused by their leader. In this war, different sides battled each other using ninja, some of whom possessed kekkei genkai. After the war ended, memories of the horrific battles still lingered in the minds of the people, causing wide-spread persecutions against those with kekkei genkai. Because of this, the Yuki clan, whose members carried the Ice Release kekkei genkai, went into hiding.

After the intervention of the Fubkikage, those who survived the massacre came out of hiding and began to slowly reclaim their place in the village and they now aim to be the best in the village. The leader was imprisoned for starting a trivial war and was spared being exiled from village

Members: 2
Jutsu:(List the jutsu that only clan members may use)

Amaya Yuki Wandi

Name: Agony Harp
Type: Bow
Appearance:
Spoiler:
Rank: A
Special Abilities:
Frostbite- When struck by arrows or shards from Agony’s Harp, the opponent’s body and tissue temperature falls below the freezing point and obstructs blood flow dealing B rank damage, if the arrow or shard is removed in one post, the effects of the arrows will take seven posts before the opponent completely freezes over. If the arrow is not removed it takes three posts before the opponent completely freezes over. Multiple hits from the arrows cause one part of the body to instantly freeze over, as long as the arrows are lodged near each other. Successive hits cause the previous effect’s post count to decrease by one.

Origin:

Rayvn, the monk that taught her ice release and spent his entire searching for the boy that his ancestors had left behind, a blue orb that turns into a magnificent bow, a bow that even the gods envied. When he had finally found it in the abandon house, he had activated the weapons, defense mechanism which released ice spikes to crush the house and the one who removed the weapon, but miraculously he was still alive. For days he was trapped between two ice pillars and just when he thought all was lost. A female genin had come to his rescue. He spend months training her and when she had made it to chunin he gave her the bow as a graduation gift, and a parting gift.

Amaya Yuki Sumu

Contract: N/A
Name:N/A
Rank:N/A
Element: N/a
Personality: N/A
Appearance: N/A
Weapons or Items: N/A
History: N/A
Jutsu: N/A

Amaya Yuki 98095886

Jutsu Specialist: Ninjutsu Taijutsu
Element Affinity: Ice
Sub Element Affinity: Wind + Water
Jutsu:

Ice Release:

Water Release :

Agony:

Wind Release:
Empty For now
These jutsu are automatically learned by you're character.
Spoiler:


Amaya Yuki Handr

History:

On May 20, a baby girl would be born within the harsh cold climate of Fubukigakure . She wasn't deemed anything special, like one of those members in the Kayuya or the Hozuki clan. She lived with her family which included his mother, sister, and older brother. The early stages of her life were quite notable and the years that he held close to his heart. But as she continued to grow in age and such the treatment she seemed to get from his family had dwindled. They no longer made time for her within their schedules as they always claimed they were busy or something of the sort. Little Amaya spent most of her time building snowmen at the back of her house, creating a versions of herself and how she wanted it to be, but even then she knew it was just  a dream.

As a child Amaya wasn’t popular among the other kids, and normally spent her time alone, watching others play and having fun, suffering in solitude, others didn’t pick on her but just simply ignored her for one reason or another, Amaya believed it was because she wasn’t special like the others. Seeing the special abilities the other kids had she felt out of place, she yearned to be special like the others and often acted out to seek attention but it was futile, she was simply normal, and this was something she couldn’t accept. When her mother enrolled her in the academy at the age of 10, she worked hard to impress the teachers and other students by always being the top of class, be it theory or practical she was on top, it wasn’t because she was a child prodigy, it was all because she wanted to be accepted. At the end of her academy life she graduated the top of her class, which was expected by the academy instructors but she still hadn’t gained what she originally sought after, instead of recognize her as a peer, they labeled her a know it all and a show off, and to add insult to injury her family were too busy to attend her graduation ceremony, she spent that night crying alone, while others celebrated.

Her thirst for acceptance would only grow at genin, The obsession for acceptance became so severe  Amaya took on many difficult missions on her own always aiming to out shine the very people who deemed her unfit to wear the fubukigakure headband, but that wasn’t enough for her, she needed a way to show them that she was indeed special. One day she took a request to help an injured monk in the abandoned house. Astonished by the valor the child showed by coming on her own to such a dangerous place, to show his gratitude, he taught her Ice Release.

Eager to test her new found power she trained vigorously at creating an entire move set of Ice and used it in the chunin exams. It didn’t take the village long to recognize her prowess and was so promoted to Chunin. She was give the name Ice Queen due her cold attitude towards and often got into fights with them over trivial things. It was then she realized that fawning for the affection of others was for the weak and the only thing she desired was power.


RP Sample:

It was high noon when a lone figure trudged through the muck of the forest of death. Geez, I always hated this place, but it seems like it's better than nothing, Briallen said wiping off the slim from her boots. Since she was originally from the leaf village, she knew the forest of death like the back of her hand, and even so she had already mapped out the routes where it was less traveled, unfortunately those routes routes were filled with large marshes and uncut wildlife, which made traveling through them difficult, since she wore a short black miniskirt and a black tank top. Mosquitoes were buzzing around everywhere picking away at her sensitive skin, and it began to annoy her greatly. I really should've thought this through, she said as her feet sunk deeper into the marsh, with the stagnant body of water giving off an awful stench.


After escaping the marshes she decided to rest on the trunk of an old tree, dipping into her pockets she pulled out a map checking her coordinates, Hmm, i guess this place will do for a hideout for the time being, looking at the area around her she realized she was truly better off here as it had a fresh body of water, well not the best but it had to do, and it had things that look edible... She hoped. Exhausted she took off her boots and began massaging her own feet, in truth she hated this life but she had no other options, she needed answers and being stuck inside the village wouldn't get her any, she wasn't a fighter or a mischief maker so life as a missing ninja would be hard for her, but she had to solider on nonetheless. After her feet felt like they would move again she walked over to the river bank and tested the waters with her fingers. This should do i suppose, Briallen would then slowly take her clothes off and placed it somewhere dry and lowered her body slowly into the water, she hardly ever got a chance to relax so she took the opportunity to do so, hopefully there wouldn't be any unwanted guests.



Last edited by Amaya on Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:13 am; edited 8 times in total

2Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:18 pm

Tsugeki Genshi

Tsugeki Genshi

To start, you mention the Land of Water, Kirigakure, and the Mizukage - these don't exist on this site, which uses original villages. Please change that.

Agony Harp doesn't actually seem like an A-Rank weapon, I'd recommend dropping it to B-Rank.

Ice Queen is way too powerful of a technique to be a C-Rank. Boosting every other technique, it would either have to be an A-Rank, or a B-rank. Either way, you would have to pay the Chakra costs of maintaining an ability for as long as fifteen posts, and cannot pay less to use techniques.

Queen's Touch is also too powerful for a C-Rank if it induces a cryogenic sleep after only five posts, either remove that bit or bump it up to a rank or two.

The Queen's Armor is incredibly over-powered at the moment. How does a suit of armor make her faster and stronger? I'd think that it would slow her down quite a bit, while giving her added defense. Reforming is fine, but at the cost of no chakra isn't. The same with auto-activation - in order to use ninjutsu, a ninja has to consciously use Chakra, that's how it works. Bump the cool-down up to something like 2-3 posts, too.

Arctic winds cannot generate chakra. Chakra is only generated by organisms, and it doesn't make any sense for her to spend chakra in order to create more chakra. Having a vision-impairing effect is fine, but you'll still be paying full price for those techniques. (And since then it'd only be impairing vision, you can bump it down to a D-Rank if you'd like)

The Queen's Temple needs some real work, as it not only doesn't make sense but is a little too powerful, even for an A-Rank. How does freezing her own body make her indestructible? The Yuki clan isn't the Hozuki clan for ice, and I'd imagine that fighting as a chunk of ice wouldn't be very easy or preferable. Reforming is also an issue, as it would cost more chakra to reform due to it not being a natural ability. It definitely needs a a duration of at least 5 posts, because she cannot just indefinitely be indestructible during a fight. And turning into Ice wouldn't make her indestructible - in fact, if she's just freezing her body, she'd become very brittle and most Taijutsu users would completely destroy her. Fire and Lightning ninja would also have little trouble dealing with her - remember, she only controls Ice, so if she gets melted entirely, she'd be toast. I'd recommend removing it, unless you really think you can bring it down a few notches. 

For Ice-floor movement, is that 'attacks can't move through the ice'?

Piercing Agony; how does this allow the arrows to pierce defenses one level higher than it? Remember, if it's a B-Rank or an A-Rank, there are some incredibly powerful A/S-Rank defenses that would need more than a B+C penetration power. You could say, though, that at the cost of spending as much chakra as an A/S rank technique, the arrow could be more likely of breaking through.

In your history, you tend to use 'his' a lot to describe Amaya. Since you're going for a Jounin, you should watch out for this kind of thing as it makes the app confusing to read and doesn't look very presentable.

As well, Kekkeigenkai cannot be 'taught' to someone. The Ice Release is an ability that ran through the clan's bloodline, but if she didn't show that she could use it naturally, she probably wouldn't have been able to learn it. I'd rework that, as it implies that others can simply be taught the release as well.

You should make the history a little longer, too. You didn't mention how she became a Jounin, and you said that her early years were 'Quite notable' but you didn't actually tell us much about them.

3Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:31 pm

Revy

Revy

PENDING



  • Remove WIP from the title
  • Add more persona another solid paragraph should be fine.
  • Ice Queen (Signature)- Too much for a C rank and jutsu here dont last for a whole topic unless you pay a sustain cost to keep the jutsu active for more than the first time of using it. Check the chakra pool system for the info on sustain cost. Also will need a range or in better terms a AOE area of effect which means the area within which things turn to Ice. The snow acts as a boost as all Ice moves will go up one rank in power and costs one rank less---- Remove this part its another way to get cheaper chakra cost without paying the higher ranks. Depending on the range or the AOE the rank of the technique may have to be increased.
  • The Queen’s Touch (Signature) -- B Rank
  • The Queen’s Armor --- Increasing speed and strength in the form of an armor is a lightning release armor exclusive.




Amaya Yuki Zsl1nc


4Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:33 am

Maya

Maya
Suna Anbu
Suna Anbu

Edited-ish

5Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:47 am

Revy

Revy

The Queen’s Temple--- S rank
Also needs a weakness
and you have to pay the lasting jutsu costs to keep it going for more than one post
The weakness is needed in order for someone to beat it like say my Lighting Release armor user was to hit you while you are in this form you would feel it coming trust me with the amount of power generated by her but that just an example as nothing is instruct able not without added weaknesses and such.

6Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:18 pm

Maya

Maya
Suna Anbu
Suna Anbu

Edited

7Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:57 pm

Revy

Revy

Name: The Queen’s Temple (sig)
Rank: S
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Ice Release
Range: Self
Duration: N/A
Cooldown: N/A
Description: The user lowers their body temperature so low that their body will literally become organic ice. Their body is now literally indestructible in this form, allowing them to reform their body even if they are shattered. This technique however can only be used and maintained in the presence of water, snow or ice, and can only be reformed if the user takes damage a rank higher than herself. Can only be used once per topic. The user pays the lasting jutsu cost.


I would just major tone this down as it is is very OP without a clear weakness . Completely indestructible is something I am not comfortable with just letting on the forum so like I said tone it down or remove it all together.

8Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:53 pm

Maya

Maya
Suna Anbu
Suna Anbu

Removed

9Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:12 am

Revy

Revy

APPROVED



  • 1/2




Amaya Yuki 169ltaf


10Amaya Yuki Empty Re: Amaya Yuki Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:12 am

Tsugeki Genshi

Tsugeki Genshi

2/2, accepted~

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