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Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu}

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1Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 11:21 am

Sparda

Sparda

Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} 73m2

Shadow Guardian :


Shadow Manifest :

Shadow Conjuring :

Shadow Paralysis :

Shadow Coffin :

Shadow Sheild :



Last edited by Sparda Vi Providence on Thu May 22, 2014 4:03 pm; edited 9 times in total

2Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 1:39 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Finished

3Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 1:43 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin


  • Shadow Guardian: Lower the Range. Even though this is a S-ranked technique, it doesn't mean it has to have a long range. A technique can be considered S-rank from strength, ability, duration, amounts and range. Also when it deteriorates do you need to perform the jutsu again or what?
  • Shadow Manifest: Bump it to A-rank and add a cool down.
  • Shadow Conjuring: Nara manipulate Shadow's not darkness. I don't see how this can work honestly unless whatever you create is connected a shadow like all other Nara techniques? please explain how it can work.
  • Shadow Paralysis:I like the idea and it is a good jutsu but the Chakra stealing is a no unless you explain how its possible and lower the range. 40m is 130 feet. Also can you dodge it by jumping etc, does it follow you when you dodge and do you control it or does it shoot in a directional line, can it hit multiply opponents?
  • Shadow Coffin:Denied sorry. This is basically an Auto hit/Death.
  • Shadow Sheild:God Mod is a no. Strong attacks should be able to break the defense no matter what, saying that Taijutsu doesn't phase him is saying you can take a punch from someone in 8th gate.. no. Needs a better weakness then just light.

4Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 1:56 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Edited


Also, about Shadow Coffin. I see where your coming from about it being a auto hit even though the target can easily just move out of the way since it takes a few seconds to generate, but it does not cause death. I mean, it is a variation of Sand Coffin, and if someone is caught in that they WILL die. With this jutsu they are just really injured. Sorry, but i just really like that Jutsu. Maybe if i tone it down a bit i could keep it? I spend about an hour working on that xD

5Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 2:11 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin


  • Shadow Guardian: Still need to lower the range and state how fast the attacks are since the weakness says people faster then it but you don't state how fast it is.
  • Shadow Manifest: Still don't see a cool down and also change the speed descriptions to the tiers we have here(Basic,Adapt,Mastery).
  • Shadow Conjuring: Nara manipulate Shadow's not darkness. You also need a weakness since its a custom jutsu.
  • Shadow Paralysis:Range and descriptions counteract. One says 20 and the other says 35 so change that. They move on their own? how is that possible? Also add the speed that it travels.
  • Shadow Coffin:I understood that but Sand Coffin doesn't cover a 6OM radius. It has to actually touch you and it isn't that fast so its easily countered. This jutsu covers a 6OM Radius stabbing everything within it so its Denied sorry.
  • Shadow Sheild: What about Kenjutsu, Puppets?

6Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 2:29 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Edited, and i made it so the Shadow Coffin requires the users shadow to travel to the target, then generate over a distance of 10M and then surround them and begin to generate. This way it has to chase the target instead of just generating where they are, and it allows the target to flee and easily evade it. Will that work? Or do i really have to get rid of it? ;_;

And shadow Manifest has a cooldown :/

7Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 2:54 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin


  • All Techniques: You need to change all speed references to the tiers we use here being Taijutsu Basic, Taijutsu Adapt or Taijutsu master speeds.
  • Shadow Conjuring: Nara manipulate Shadow's not darkness. Remove it. It says 'Users can turn darkness into tools, objects, weapons, cloths and other items, create semi-living constructs and/or create clothing of varying permanence. '
  • Shadow Paralysis:They move on their own? how is that possible? Also add the speed that it travels

8Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 2:58 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Ok so, i edited. But can you explain the speed thing to me? Im afraid i dont understand it. Sparda cannot use Taijutsu or Genjutsu. His mastery is Ninjutsu, so im not sure what tier they would be.

9Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 3:45 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin

Okay so here on Nexus at the moment we judge speed but the Taijutsu Tiers. I want you to change the speed references to the tiers.

Example:

Shadow Paralysis: The shadow extends from the user and races towards the target at Taijutsu Adapt Speeds etc..

10Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 3:49 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Ok so basically, Basic Tier is slow, Adept Tier is average speed, and Mastery Tier is the fastest?

11Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 3:51 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin

Pretty much yes.

12Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 3:53 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Ok, edited.

13Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 4:00 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin


  • Shadow Guardian: Need to remove the last weakness since hardly anyone is as fast as Taijutsu Masters and add another major weakness.

14Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 4:03 pm

Sparda

Sparda

Edited.

15Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu May 22, 2014 4:12 pm

Nameless

Nameless
Iwa Genin
Iwa Genin

Approved under supervision, Unless stated otherwise.

16Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Empty Re: Nocturne of Shadow {Jutsu} Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:53 am

Sato

Sato


User is no longer active so this is now Archived.

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